Friday, August 12, 2005

Oh Crap

Well I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. In the life and times of a pottie training toddler, Jackson didn't earn any stickers yesterday.

What a day to have it happen too. Michelle had called me in the mid-morning to let me know that during morning "water play" at school Jackson was running on the sidewalk, tripped over his own two feet, and bounced his head on the pavement. "The knot on his forehead is the size of a golf ball," they told her over the phone. Jackson's teacher, Ms. Rhea, would later tell me also that the sound of it was frightening and made her hair stand on end.

So Michelle ran Jackson over to the doctor and was very lucky. They got in and were able to see Jackson's doctor, Mary Tyson.

Jackson was fine. Apparently it is a good thing when the bump grows out instead of in. Who knew? Though it makes sense, I think such knowledge falls under the category of rare allegories doctors hold in reserve to calm horrified patients and bring them down off the mental ledge they're standing on. Frankly, I was horrified enough with outtie - they can keep the innie.

So some observational instruction and a trip through the McDonald's drive-thru were all that was needed. In fact, when I picked him up at the end of the day I had to look for it. The knot was gone and there wasn't much left of the strawberry created from the contact. Thank you Jesus. We did however benefit some from the experience - We know Jackson is 32 pounds.

But the experience left Jackson, for reasons I am still not clear on, without underwear and back in a diaper. So sure enough not long after we get home Jackson tells us that he has pooped his pants. Good thing we had that diaper on Hugh? Well, just wait. We put underwear on him thinking we were safe.

So not more than 45 minutes later, after polishing off a healthy portion of ravioli, Jackson gives me the face we have all come to know so well that screams I am pooping my pants! So I tell him we need to get down from the chair and head to the bathroom. And I am told, "No Daddy, I poop in my pants!" So he did.

A few minutes later came one of the funniest things I have seen my son do in awhile: He got down from his chair, took about one and a half steps and froze. It was like watching the Tin Man rust out on the Wizard of Oz. And Jackson stayed there in that same spot and same position the entire time we cleared the table. He really didn't complain about it either. He just stood there.

When the dishes were done, I told him we were headed to the bathroom. Jackson took a couple of tentative steps and then was off like a gun shot. We took off his shoes and socks and then I put him in the shower.

It is at this point in the story, that all hell broke loose. Jackson, in his infinite wisdom and toddler veracity, choose to start jumping up and down in the shower for fun. It won't take much of an imagination to understand what happened next. Needless to say there was a small explosion. But to put it in perspective for a 2 year old, think about it as being attacked by a big brown monster. Because it is at this point I am foolishly trying to persuade my son that pulling his pants off is the best plan. To him, the pants are the only thing holding back the monster that is trying to crawl down his leg. So this of course
lead to a state of madness in the shower.

Normally it is my wife that tries to rationalize with our child and I have to step in and act, but this time the rolls were reversed and she reached in and depanted the boy. Go Mom! To which then I manned the the shower head, and our reenactment of a crowd control situation by police soon set in.

In the end after the steam settled, Jackson wanted to stay in the shower and was having a blast playing in the water. Everything got cleaned up without too much difficulty. My wife managed to make it through the day without killing my son - which was also probably the biggest accomplishment of the day. And Jackson survived, what would be for most of us, a pretty crappy day. :)


At 2:17 PM, Anonymous Keith said...

I can hear him now "No daddy, I poop in my pants!" LMAO-ROTFLOL!!!!! Tee Hee!!!!

At 12:31 AM, Blogger Valerie said...

I remember those times oh so well!!! I remember when I was potty training my second son we had been at the zoo all day and he had pooed in his underware so we threw them away so all he was wearing was a pair of shorts. Well we left the zoo and went to the airport so that I could meet a friend of mine...well while we were waiting he went again and it went down his leg and onto the floor of the airport. I went to one of the employees there and asked for something to clean up the mess and she treated me like she couldn't be bothered with my problems so I politely told her to enjoy cleaning it up herself and left it there! I was so embarrassed but at that point I really didn't care! I look back on it now and laugh..but it really wasn't funny at the time! Needless to say, I didn't get to meet my friend during her layover cuz I had to go and clean my kid!! :( Ahh...the stories!!! lol!

At 12:31 AM, Blogger Valerie said...

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