Jackson Wisdom

At three years of age, Jackson has started to formulate his view of the world. I thought I would share with you a few of the discoveries he has made so far:

1. Calculators double as remotes. Jackson will become quite adamant about when it is his turn to change the channel and you have the remote and he the calculator. Good slight of hand can deter a huge fit.

2. Dinner is optional. (And depends on the mood.) Prayer before dinner is not however, thank the Lord.

3. Daddy's Walkman, which is a Walkman Sport, velcro's around ones arm for easy of use while running. Jackson has determined that while wearing this he is a superhero and can communicate to all his cartoon friends.

4. Two hats are better than one. Jackson has taken to wearing his old and new Illini baseball hats at the same time. New one over old. Look over feel. Always inseparable.

5. Boxer shorts are better when worn backwards. Life is all about making your own mark. Jackson is very particular about this. He also wants to start wearing both socks on one foot, but I won't let him. This morning I heard the words, "Daddy, can we just try it."

6. There is no sense in doing something if you can't count down from 10 first. Oh and by the way, the next number after 10 is 0.

7. Cartoons are real people.

8. Prayer before bed makes Daddy happy and keeps one up longer.

9. If you put your hands over your ears you can hear the inside of your head. Try it - it works!

10. Jumping is a measure of manhood.

11. Please works really well when you remember to say it.

12. Weight lifting is a great way to go to the doctor. Jackson tried to pick up Daddy's weights and dropped a 35lb plate on his foot. Went to the emergency room. Got x-rays, 2 suckers, 6 stickers, and tons of attention - well worth the pain.

13. Life stops after dark.

14. The best part of going to the bathroom is flushing it all down the drain.

15. Picking out relatives from pictures is cool.

16. Singing at the table while your parents are talking is a great way to draw attention to yourself and irritate your parents.

17. Correcting your parents word choices is a sign of equality.

18. Highway driving lets you see everything in the whole world.

19. If life came down to one food it would be Chocolate Milk.

20. Finally, "Are you silly Jackson?"... "No Dad, I'm nuts!"

I received this from a friend and wanted to share:

Darin S -

I got a kick out of this, but your wife might find it funny as well (I received if from my wife this morning).

Darin P

There's a quote by an actress who said that she learned so much more about men by having sons. I am a woman who grew up the only child of a tidy, overly-effeminate mother who swears by Clinique. I used to wear dresses with black patent-leather Mary Janes and red bows in my hair.

My boy cousins were messy, farted way too much, ate constantly, ran everywhere and climbed on everything. They were totally alien to me, and that pretty much included what I knew of boys. So when Chris and I discovered that we were expecting, I just assumed that we would have a girl. However, nature thought it would be super hilarious to give me not one, but two little boys.

Not that I don't love my little boys, I adore my sons, I am STUPID in love with them. It was just that I'm a girl. I know all about girl things, like how all little girls love tiaras and tutus. I knew nothing about boys.

Five years later I find myself completely surrounded by men. I am the minority in my household, the only woman. As a result, I've learned a lot. I've learned that farts, apparently, are unbelievably hysterical. I was taught to be embarrassed if my body betrayed me vocally in public, not to hoot about it and yell "Did you hear how loud that was? DID YOU HEAR THAT? Yeah, that was me!" High five!

I've learned that it is completely acceptable in the male world to brag about the size of whatever you deposited into the toilet, as well as walk out of the bathroom and beg for people to come see it, as the little boys do in my house. More high fives! It took one time for me to fall backwards into the toilet at 3 a.m. before I began to look and make sure the seat was down first.

I've learned that two-thirds of the household majority will pass by a dropped object on the floor 4,399,221 times BEFORE stopping to ask what it's doing there instead of picking it up. The one-third stops only because he thinks that it's something to eat and will hurriedly shove it in his mouth before anyone sees him.

I've learned that anything can be made into a gun or a lightsaber. This goes for wooden spoons, clothes hangers, toothbrushes and the tampon from my purse as I was loading groceries onto the conveyor belt. I've learned that boys do not come programmed with fear or a sense for boundaries for the sole purpose of balancing out their mothers' fear for them.

I've learned that you can never have too many Matchbox cars.

I don't think twice anymore about covering my cut finger or scratched arm with a Spider-Man Band-Aid, because they were the ones Chris and Liam thought were the coolest. I've learned that rites of passage are completely different for boys than they are for girls. Standing up to go to the bathroom for the first time is a huge deal.

I've learned that I cannot sit in the floor without being tackled and wrestled to the ground. The floor is the red zone and by sitting on it you are non-verbally consenting to WWF.

I've learned that little boys love to climb, be it the couch, the chair, the bookcase, their beds, the toilets, or into the refrigerator. I've heard that little girls are born with PMS; I've learned that little boys are born with a predilection to throw things and run full-speed down steep hills. I've learned that when a little boy gets a cool toy for a present, the dad is just as excited to play with it as the boy.

I've learned that these characteristics never really go away, even with age, and that having sons gives a dad a chance to relive some of his childhood. Raising sons has caused me to forget how I used to want a daughter. I've learned that boys follow their daddies' examples. Liam regularly tells me, in his spastic munchkin voice, that I "look like a princess" whenever I get ready to go anywhere. He didn't just figure out how to give compliments like that by himself.

I love how he opens doors (or will try) for me and other women. I love how when our entire household tears through the house playing and rough-housing, Liam designates himself as my official protector. "I'LL SAVE YOU MOM!" he'll yell, while throwing his little body in front of mine and pretending to shoot Chris (the designate Bad Alien) with a "laser beam gun." I love playing in dirt now.

Another thing I love, a lesson learned, is that I've made amends with! men (and my history with them) by having sons. I've learned what it is to be a woman. And not to ignore the daddies, because they're just as valuable -- does it ever take a strong woman to raise a man.

Shit

There is just no other word for it.

And of course it came at just the right time. My brother had sat Jackson Friday night so Michelle and I finally had a night out. I met with my GM600 group earlier today and we wrapped up enough work during our meeting that I could take the rest of the weekend off from school. We have an invite tomorrow to watch the Super Bowl and we will see some friends we haven't had time to see in awhile.

So I thought, hey, we are playing Penn State. At home. Penn State is almost at the bottom of the Big Ten. We have the longest active home winning streak in the nation tied with with Gonzaga and are ranked #6 in the nation. This should be a no brainer. So with my schedule and an easy win I wouldn't have to get emotionally involved in - I take my family to the bar for dinner out and to watch the Illini roll.

I apparently wasn't alone in this idea. With the colder weather and this game getting only regional TV coverage, the place was packed with Illinois fans. We were thankful that we had gotten there early enough to sit as a family in the gameroom and be able to eat.

Jackson was a trooper. He was well behaved throughout the game, played , made many friends and charmed the lot.

For those who saw the game, the Illini lost a game they should have one by 30. Wow, the perfect opportunity for a family event shot in the knee. Arguably though, with another 1/10th of a second, they could have won at the very last moment. The crowded room erupted when the ball went through the basket. It was the Arizona game all over again - faith restored.

When the moment reached reality and the word of the clock worked its way through the crowd I suddenlly couldn't hear anything. The weight of an unimaginable loss was setting in and my eyes froze on the big screen waiting for the official ruling. The deafening silence was broken by my son pulling on my leg. "Dad. That women said Shit. Shit is a bad word. She shouldn't say Shit."

"Yes Jackson, you're right," I replied and picked him up. He was smiling and was exited. He had been having a wonderful time. "Its a bad word and we don't say it anymore."

"The Game is over?"... "We go home home now?"..."Okay, I go get Momma."...and he was off.

You know, maybe it was just fine after all.

Work Recognition Moment #017